up to speed

Okie doke. Let’s do this.


Exhibit A (March 2): fruit. Yepper. That’s a fig newton. But not a regular one, because fig fig newtons are gross. You’re looking at a strawberry fig newton. There’s a big difference. Strawberry fig newtons are chewy and delicious and, yes, in case you’re wondering, they DO count as fruit. Hello? It’s in the name. I can eat an entire row in one sitting. Delish.

 


Exhibit B (March 3): my neighborhood. It’s not really a neighborhood, more just a big bunch of condos. We’re renting, because we are new in town and we’re super commitment-phobes when it comes to buying a house. We love our condo but it stretches us pretty thin, so we’re looking for a new place this spring. We like the area, though. There’s a Cheesecake Factory less than two miles away. And a brand spanking-new mall. With a DSW. And it’s quiet and safe and blah blah blah. CHEESECAKE FACTORY. CHEAP SHOES. Yeah. It’s a great neighborhood.

 


Exhibit C (March 4): bedside. This was a gift from my dad when I started grad school. It came with very specific instructions for use: “swing hard, swing low.” I’ve never had to use it, but it has traveled with me through three states and twice as many apartments, some slightly sketchy. When I’m feeling afraid or nervous, all I have to do is look at that bat and I’m good. Every scratch and smudge and gouge was put there by my dad, one of the strongest, most rock-solid people I know.

 


Exhibit D (today!): 5pm. Five o’clock is boogie dinner time at our house. The boogies do not abide delays when it comes to dinner. They will stalk you with relentless vocal reprimands if you dare to, say, change out of your work clothes or go get the mail, before you feed them. The feeding routine here is ridiculously complicated to accommodate different eating styles. You heard me right. My boogies have unique eating styles. Ahem.

Bella is a free-choice feeder, meaning she likes to eat three bites and then walk away and then come back for another nibble 25 minutes later. She also only eats dry food. Genevieve is a forager, so she will eat and eat and eat and eat. As long as there is food in front of her, she will eat it. And when hers is gone, she will look elsewhere. But she eats as a slower pace. And Mooster is a mercenary. He eats fast and dirty. He inhales his wet food and then he moves to Genevieve’s dish. When that’s gone, he moves on to Bella’s food. Which is why he is such a round boy.

So, the feeding order goes like this: 1. Bella (dry food), 2. Genevieve (wet food), and after as many delays and pauses as I can manage without him attacking me, 3. Mooster (wet food). Then, and only then, can I begin to think about what the humans will have for dinner.

Geesh. It’s a process. But they’re worth it. Life would be terribly dull without them, dinnertime included.

Huzzah! We are officially up to speed. And now back to our regularly scheduled challenge…

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